This is the sort of thing I have done to waste my life. There's no need for you to waste yours.


The Stations of the Cross Cleric
Abu preaching outside the Finsbury Park mosque
Abu confronted by Sun editor Rebekkah Wade
Abu condemning whores and lesbians to death
Abu carted off to Belmarsh Prison
Abu is cruelly attacked by government ministers
Abu's has his face wiped by Omar Bakri Mohammed
Abu fights extradition to the USA
Abu is finally dragged before the court
Abu is convicted and taken back to his prison cell
Abu is a martyr at last!

"Pescator" by Eduardo Paolozzi.
Aluminium enough for 200 bicycles.

"Newton" by Eduardo Paolozzi.
Isaac's posture suffers from an excess of gravity

"St Joan" by Keith Grant.
Maid of Orleans made of metal
The Euston Road

Where bad public sculpture comes to die

There is not much known about the early inhabitants of Easter Island, apart from that they carved and erected huge stone heads that stare out to sea. History judges them by those heads. Similarly, if future historians, sifting through the rubble of a post-armageddon or post-flood London, ever excavate a 500 yard trench along the north side of the Euston Road, then we may be judged by the sculptures found there. Indeed, if they find nothing more, those works will come to represent everything that is known about us. Read on Londoners! This is your bequest to the future.

Our sculpture trail begins in front of Euston Station. Pescator by Eduardo Paolozzi may be described as an irregular polyhedron of cast aluminium. That's the technical way. The graffiti scrawled across it, some years ago, describes it in layman's terms: 'THIS IS A PIECE OF SHIT'. Not my writing, but the late broadcaster and saxophonist Benny Green is a likely suspect, as he was on record (BBC Radio Four) declaring his loathing for it at about the same time.

Astonishingly, two thirds of the bad art along the Euston Road has been produced by the same man. Newton, also by Paolozzi, sits in the yard [or piazza] in front of the British Library. The figure is loosely copied from a drawing by William Blake, a man widely derided for his poor draughtsmanship. Paolozzi himself, by fearful symmetry, has often been described as a poor sculptor. As if to confirm this opinion, he was awarded a knighthood in 1987

Sandwiched between the two Paolozzis is Saint Joan by Camden Council (Keith Grant is the artist credited, but Camden ratepayers did the lions share of the work). Saint Joan was the Trojan Horse that paved the way - so to speak - for the bad art that followed her. Thus, we still pay the price for our part in her death at the stake. Originally on the Euston Road outside the National Youth Theatre, Saint Joan was later demoted to a less visible site around the corner in Ossulston Street, where she causes fewer traffic accidents.

Detail from "Pescator". A message to the future?
Newton's posterior, which has been unfavourably compared with that of Michaelangelo's David